Richard's blog

Hard Candy getting softer.

Richard — Sat, 10 May 2008 22:36:46 +0000

Is Madge obsessed with staying young? Or well adjusted? Conflicted by expectations of “valuable” women to remain youthful? She is 49 and I think she’s had some quality plastic surgery to stave off the visible signs of ageing. I reckon you’re only old if you feel it - if you are obsessing about being old. Or denying it. 49’s not exactly old: but it is old if you’re comparing yourself to the young. There’s little fragments of youth obsession laced through Hard Candy:

1. In the song Hard Candy, she insists on whispering/purring “my sugar is RAAAAW.” Sweetie, your sugar ain’t raw. Your sugar is so processed it ain’t funny.

2. Just before the end of the song Heartbeat a male voice conspicuously shrieks “Giiiiirl”…. Ah, 49 is not girl. 49 is woman, thankyou. Like John McEnroe is not a boy.

3. She’s Not Me sounds like a musical warning to hubby Guy Ritchie not to run off with a younger hottie:

She is licking her lips
And she’s batting her eyes
She’s not me
She’s got legs up to there
And such beautiful hair
She’s not me

But then she has another point: doesn’t matter how old she is, there’s no-one with her name. A name that keeps getting mentioned over and over again on the album, just in case you forget it.

Baby race

Richard — Sat, 10 May 2008 14:06:47 +0000

Japanese television has its priorities right. No trashy Big Brother, just nice wholesome baby races run with super-cute Japanese babies:

I miss Tokyo.

Richard — Thu, 08 May 2008 12:28:07 +0000

The last couple of days I’ve been really missing Tokyo. When I miss it, I get little flecks of Tokyo street scenes passing through my head. I miss its urbanism, its eclectic clutter, its overload of culture and surprise. Tokyo is a fertile imagination of neverending variegation and intrigue. Its interest is inexhaustible. I crave the luxury of time to get lost in its byways, to take the train to a station I’ve never been to and explore, to discover its perversely hidden treasures, to unfold its map of desires. I want to eat it, watch it, walk it, buy it and live it, and know there will never be enough time to see it all.

How to make an elephant smell nice.

Richard — Sat, 03 May 2008 00:04:47 +0000

1. Sprinkle liberally with Monocle’s first scent: Hinoki. It’s brisk and piny and steers clear of the more clicheed jungle notes.

2. Allow to dry.

Gimmicks II: designer paper bags for beer.

Richard — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 12:50:13 +0000

Listen up: drinking beer from a bottle in a paper bag is cool. On the street, with a beanie, and some clandestine attitude. With the bag in place, people can’t see it’s alcohol, so it’s less offensive PLUS you get the added thrill of fooling people.

So given this coolness, it’s needless to say the world was calling out for the Ted696 project, an effortlessly logical blend of art competition and bogan street drinking. Competitors design an artsy bag in just the right size to caressingly sleeve a (new) 696mL size bottle of Tooheys Extra Dry.

Duh, even with the extra culture, blind Myrtle could tell you were an alco from half a mile.

Gimmicks I: Wind-powered cosmetics

Richard — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 12:41:45 +0000

I totally know some faffy pseudovegan yuppies who would totally modify their beauty routines to ensure that it was all “energy friendly.” Also would be great if the energy used to cart all that product all the way from Blaine, Minnesota, were generated by wind energy too. But they won’t be mentioning that.

Tricky Language English II: Ear Spa.

Richard — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 11:14:57 +0000

OK, so another sublime photo from my phone… An Asian beauty/pamper parlour has opened in my hood in the last couple of days - offering many conventional treatments, but also an “ear spa”… I have frightening visions of what exactly this involves. Involving Romanesque jets of water and permanently flooded ear canals.

Tricky Language English: 100% Australian Grown

Richard — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 11:09:15 +0000

YES this is possibly the worst photo EVER on my blog, but you can sorta make out - this “Fresh & Sweet” cantaloupe is 100% Australian grown.
Yes, reassuring that it is not grown 75% in the Phillipines and then shipped over for the last 25%. Nor half of it grown in China and the other half here, and then cut-and-shut.
To top it off, the rest of the sticker’s nonsense as well - the cantaloupe was neither fresh nor sweet…

Fine dining: tyres vs mineral water.

Richard — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 21:52:41 +0000

So the Michelin Guide recently released its Tokyo edition, declaring that there were more restaurants worthy of a star in Tokyo than in Paris and New York combined. And now, the Pellegrino World’s 50 Best Restaurants has been released, and, er, it contains not one restaurant in Japan, despite apparently having Japanese reviewers on the case. Ah, lists and canons: they reify, they are banal, and they fascinate. Because I really do want to know what a completely unscientific sample of “experts” think is the best, even if the listing procedure is flawed and they can’t agree…

Linux #2 - Damn Small Linux

Richard — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 02:56:32 +0000

So I downloaded, for fun, the 48MB Damn Small Linux operating system and ran it. I wanted to see what an OS scaled down to the max might look like. It’s ugly and basic, but surprisingly functional, with a full graphic interface. Certainly not something I would use everyday so I’ve deleted it already. One thing’s for sure - it’s pretty damn fast - I wish Firefox would open in under two seconds on my Mac.