Boy Shampoo, Girl Shampoo
Sure, there are humanitarian crises in Darfur, Burma and China that no-one’s doing much about, and that’s because we, in the first world, have our priorities right: what the world really needs is more varieties of shampoo. Particularly, shampoo that is specifically marketed towards genders – because the needs of women’s and men’s egos, I mean hair, are so radically different, and having hundreds of admixtures of basically the same chemicals in different packaging is so useful, helpful and orienting. Here’s two newbies I picked up in Safeway:
OK. So I’m a boy. I need boy shampoo why?
Because it’s mating season. Aha. This shampoo will make me sexy. Using girl shampoo (no doubt it contains estrogens or something that might make me sensitive and interested in women-things) will not help me in mating season.
Girls on the other hand can get fully lathered over the Peter Morrissey Fashion Designer Range Sunsilk with – wait for it – crystal dust:
by which I think they might mean mica. I’m totally drawn to the cachet of this limited edition, it’s so rockstar and yet so approachable. On the back, it’s even got a testimonial spiel by Peter Morrissey himself in what might well be his own handwriting and words:
And best of all, I can have the aura of a glamorous woman who can afford to wear charcoal-sequined Peter Morrissey all without leaving the shower. Insert your own X-rated mental images.
